Greenspan: Why we quit before we even start

The views expressed in this column are solely those of the author.

 

There are a lot of people who don’t accomplish what they set out to accomplish.

Some blame the market. Some blame the economy. Some blame interest rates, technology, a lack of opportunity, or simply not having enough time.

Personally, I don’t think that’s the real reason.

Generally speaking, I believe most people don’t accomplish what they want because they mentally quit before they physically begin.

Think about that for a minute.

The majority of us don’t actually fail because the work was too difficult. We fail because we spend so much time thinking about how difficult the work is going to be that we never really get started.

It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one.

As Realtors, we see it every day. We know we should be prospecting. We know we should be following up. We know we should be asking for referrals, shooting videos, attending networking events, improving our skills, or having that difficult conversation with a client.

Yet somehow … we don’t.

Because oftentimes, our own thoughts get in the way.

 

The stories we tell ourselves

 

A few weeks ago, I spent several days in the U.S. with my son at a baseball tournament.

Somehow our team ended up with 8 a.m. games three mornings in a row.

If you’ve ever had kids in competitive sports, you know what that actually means.

It means a 5:30 a.m. alarm. It means breakfast before the sun comes up. It means loading the car with one eye open.

If I had focused on that part alone, though, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to get out of bed either.

Who would?

But — here’s what I’ve learned over the years — the feeling of not wanting to do something is just a moment. It’s a mindset.

It’s amazing how quickly our brains begin negotiating with us.

“You could stay in bed.” “You deserve the rest.” “It’s only one game.”

The problem is, our minds almost always focus on the “effort” before they focus on the “reward.”

I’ve learned to challenge that — instead of thinking about the early alarm clock, I started thinking about everything that came after it.

The drive to the field. Breakfast together. Watching my best buddy in the world play the game he loves … the memories we’ll still be talking about years from now.

Those moments won’t last forever, though. One day, I’ll probably wish I had one more 5:30 a.m. baseball morning.

Funny how perspective changes everything, isn’t it?

Nothing about the schedule changed. Only the story I was telling myself.

 

When your mind becomes the obstacle

 

Ironically, after getting home from that trip, I found myself doing exactly what so many of us do in business.

It was Monday morning. I had planned to sit down and write my weekly podcast. Simple enough … except I stared at the screen with nothing. I had no ideas, I didn’t know how I wanted to open, zero direction.

Meanwhile, the little clock in the corner of my screen kept moving, minute after minute, and with every passing minute I became more frustrated because I was thinking about how much work I wasn’t getting done.

Sound familiar?

How many times have you sat at your desk knowing exactly what needs to happen next, yet somehow you can’t get yourself moving?

You’re just sitting there mentally stuck, and you’ve created pressure that wasn’t there five minutes earlier.

That’s what our minds do. They create stories — “What if I don’t get this finished …”, “What if I can’t figure this out?”, “I’ve wasted too much time …”

Before long, we’re overwhelmed by problems that don’t actually exist yet.

I’ve done it. You’ve probably done it too.

 

Standing at the bottom of the mountain

 

That same morning, I got up from my desk to clear my head.

My daughter was getting ready for volleyball camp, but she looked upset. So I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “I don’t want to go.”

Naturally, I asked, “Why?”

She replied, “It’s hard.”

As parents, our first instinct is often to solve the problem. Tell them everything will be okay. Convince them to go. Give them the answer.

Instead, I started asking questions, because the more you ask, the more you learn.

As we talked, she explained that the coaches were more intense than she expected. The practices were harder. There was less laughing around and more accountability. She wasn’t sure she liked it anymore.

This was a little surprising because she’d spent months talking about wanting to play rep volleyball. She wanted the opportunity. She wanted to get better. And she wanted to see what she was capable of.

Then the opportunity arrived, and suddenly it wasn’t just about volleyball anymore. Now there were expectations, and there was pressure.

Then she said, “Dad … I have 40 hours of volleyball this week.”

There it was. That was the real problem. She wasn’t just thinking about today’s practice. Instead, she was standing at the bottom of the mountain, staring all the way to the top.

And that right there is exactly what most people do.

We don’t think about making one phone call. We think about making 50. We don’t think about writing one CMA. We think about everything waiting on our desk. We don’t think about today’s appointments. We think about the entire week.

The mountain becomes so big in our minds that we convince ourselves it’s impossible to climb.

Except — we’re not supposed to be climbing the entire mountain today … we’re just supposed to be climbing one step at a time.

 

Changing the view

 

As we continued talking that morning, I asked her to do something a little different — instead of standing at the bottom of the mountain looking up, I asked her to imagine she was already standing at the top.

The week was over. The practices were done. She had pushed through. She had learned. She had accomplished. And she had definitely gotten better …

Then I asked her, “Now how do you feel?”

And as she answered, I could almost see the wheels turning. Nothing about the week had changed. The practices weren’t any shorter. The coaches weren’t any less demanding. The work was exactly the same.

The only thing that changed was the perspective she was looking at it from.

And that’s where I see many of us get stuck.

We spend so much time standing at the bottom of the mountain that we convince ourselves we’ll never reach the top. We imagine every obstacle. Every setback. Every uncomfortable conversation. Every hour of work. Every possible way something could go wrong.

Meanwhile, we’ve forgotten that success has never required us to climb the entire mountain in one day. It has only ever required us to take the next step. One. Step. At. A. Time. That is all.

And then before you know it, you’ve climbed farther than you ever thought possible, simply because you changed your perspective.

And that helped you take action!

 

Changing the conversation

 

A few years ago, I realized I was doing something very similar before speaking on stage.

People often ask me if I still get nervous before a keynote.

Absolutely. Every single time.

As I’m standing backstage waiting to be introduced, there’s always that little voice.

“What if you forget your opening?”

“What if you blank?”

“What if they don’t connect with what you’re about to say?”

It’s amazing how creative our minds can become when we’re trying to talk ourselves out of something.

Then one day I changed the question.

Instead of asking myself, “What if?” I started asking myself, “What do I know for certain?”

Well, I know I’ve prepared. I know I’ve delivered this presentation before. I know the organizers invited me for a reason. I know I care deeply about helping the audience.

And suddenly, the conversation changed. The butterflies never disappeared. I just stopped calling them nerves. And instead I started calling them adrenaline.

Same feeling. I just reframed the story. And that little shift changed everything.

It allowed me to focus on serving the audience instead of protecting myself from imaginary outcomes that hadn’t happened.

How often do we do the exact opposite in our businesses?

We imagine objections before we’ve made the call. We imagine rejection before we’ve asked the question. We imagine failure before we’ve even started.

No wonder we feel stuck.

 

The lesson had nothing to do with volleyball

 

There was another conversation my daughter and I had that week that reminded me of something important. The night before volleyball camp, she proudly told me she had reversed our side-by-side up at the cottage into the garage all by herself.

She said that the first attempt wasn’t great and that she ended up parking it on an angle.

So she backed out, made a few adjustments, tried again, and her second attempt was much better.

As we talked about what she changed, I reminded her of something we’ve discussed many times over the years.

Try. Fail. Learn. Then repeat.

That’s how we improve at anything. Those are the real steps towards success.

Had she convinced herself after the first attempt that she simply wasn’t good at backing up the side-by-side, she never would have experienced the second attempt, or the third, or the tenth.

She only improved because she kept doing.

The same thing happens in our businesses. Your first listing presentation probably wasn’t your best. Your first video was probably awkward. Your first buyer consultation. Your first difficult negotiation. Your first time asking for a referral. Nobody starts out great.

We only become great because we continue after the first imperfect attempt. Yet somewhere along the way, most people forget this.

Children expect to learn. Adults expect to already know. And when we don’t …

Most people simply stop trying.

 

Maybe that’s the real battle

 

The older I get, the more I realize success has very little to do with knowing all the answers. It has far more to do with managing the conversation happening between your own ears, and just taking action.

The market isn’t what usually stops us. Competition isn’t what usually beats us. Technology isn’t the holdup either.

Most of the time … we stop ourselves. We convince ourselves there’s too much to do. That we’re too far behind. That someone else is better. That next week will be a better time to start.

In your moment of procrastination, of self-doubt, of imposter syndrome, recognize when your mind is lying to you, and just start moving.

 

One step at a time

 

I’ll leave you with this:

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop looking at the entire mountain.

Just look at the next step, because that’s all you’ve ever really needed to do.

Most people don’t fail halfway up the mountain because most people never actually get there … because they just stand at the bottom convincing themselves how difficult the climb is going to be. Then they turn around and walk away.

Don’t let your own thinking become the thing that holds you back.

The mountain is still there. The opportunity is still there. The question is …

Are you going to keep looking up …

Or are you finally going to take the first step?

 

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